Freaking out over Nothing!

Do you ever just freak out over nothing? I mean literally nothing. It’s all in your head and even then, you couldn’t pin point it there either.

As I have mentioned on this blog, I love to draw. In fact it was one reason why I started this blog. I wanted to give myself a reason to do this one thing I love doing. Which doesn’t make any sense. Why would I need to give myself a reason to do something I love to do?

Here’s the drill …. Or whatever word fits the sentence to imply I am about to explain myself in a potentially long and wofty way.

I love to draw. I can’t explain why, I just do. I hold a pencil or a piece of charcoal and I am transported into another being in another world (except for the television or iPad sounds in the background reminding me I have responsibilities called children on a place called earth. Hopeless babysitters they are).

Anyway….. it’s like I am starting a new adventure. It’s just me, my perception and perspective that I have to deal with. No-one else’s, just mine and that is a relief in itself.

I run my hands over the paper and I could almost kiss it. I’m not kidding. I feel like I’m a little girl all over again about to open the biggest present of all. There is suspense because I don’t know how my drawing will turn out just like I don’t know what is under the wrapping of that big present.

I start to freak out but the excitement helps me to push through and then I start to draw. After a few strokes I climax (woops, that’s sounding like a different story), no I mean I reach the top and it’s all down hill from there. The fear starts setting in but I ignore it because it’s still fun. The paper still feels nice, the charcoal is still leaving brilliant marks and it’s all good.

Then sometimes, just sometimes I finish and I take a step back and I think …. Did I just draw that? No way, I mean, it’s really good! I like it a lot and I’m not just saying that to myself. I achieved what I set out to achieve and it feels good …. but that only happens sometimes.

Then I freak out that it won’t happen again so I delay, procrastinate, and then I get crappy because I’m not doing the thing that I love to do. How can I fear something that I love or love something that I fear? Neither makes sense!

I need to be logical here. No, that would me I am being silly, but I’m not. Yes you are …. Okay, rather than spilling my conversation with my alter ego for anyone to read I should grab this logical hat and take its advice and just go draw. Seeya.

No, I’m still here.

Yep, haven’t moved.

You know, I have wanted to take some photos recently …. maybe I will go do that?

Here are some drawings I did the last time I plucked up the courage to draw. I like them, apart from the whole vampire white face look. I have been trying to isolate facial features to get a better understanding of their nature…..

lips in conte crayon drawing

Here are some more ….. but in pencil

pencil drawing noses

I should go now. But what would I draw?

I think Loxley has a pooey nappy. I will go now. I have responsibilities you know!

P.S. Thanks for the chat.

Charcoal drawings were drawn from images in a book titled ‘The Human Figure’ by John H. Vanderpoel.
Pencil drawings were drawn from ‘Life Drawing’ by Robert Barrett.

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7 thoughts on “Freaking out over Nothing!

  1. LOVE! Amazing drawings, and what’s more- you truly are enjoying the process! So glad I popped over hear. Oh- thanks for the like!!! The post about the sketchbook progress has led to another blog, if you are interested or just wanted to check it out: sketch4health.wordpress.com
    ❤ Best wishes,
    Amy

    1. Thanks, I was following the link to wikispaces and then got confused but I will certainly check out this link here. I was interested to know know about the sketch4health.

  2. I know that feeling only too well: Loving something but procrastinating and fearing to start. It’s the same with me and writing fiction. So many ideas, so little guts to sit down and try to write them. And when I do, I actually sometimes like what I’ve written. And if not, well, that’s not the end of the world. You’re right, we shouldn’t fear and just enjoy the process. 🙂

    Oh, and I like your drawings. Really cool!

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