Do you ever just freak out over nothing? I mean literally nothing. It’s all in your head and even then, you couldn’t pin point it there either.
As I have mentioned on this blog, I love to draw. In fact it was one reason why I started this blog. I wanted to give myself a reason to do this one thing I love doing. Which doesn’t make any sense. Why would I need to give myself a reason to do something I love to do?
Here’s the drill …. Or whatever word fits the sentence to imply I am about to explain myself in a potentially long and wofty way.
I love to draw. I can’t explain why, I just do. I hold a pencil or a piece of charcoal and I am transported into another being in another world (except for the television or iPad sounds in the background reminding me I have responsibilities called children on a place called earth. Hopeless babysitters they are).
Anyway….. it’s like I am starting a new adventure. It’s just me, my perception and perspective that I have to deal with. No-one else’s, just mine and that is a relief in itself.
I run my hands over the paper and I could almost kiss it. I’m not kidding. I feel like I’m a little girl all over again about to open the biggest present of all. There is suspense because I don’t know how my drawing will turn out just like I don’t know what is under the wrapping of that big present.
I start to freak out but the excitement helps me to push through and then I start to draw. After a few strokes I climax (woops, that’s sounding like a different story), no I mean I reach the top and it’s all down hill from there. The fear starts setting in but I ignore it because it’s still fun. The paper still feels nice, the charcoal is still leaving brilliant marks and it’s all good.
Then sometimes, just sometimes I finish and I take a step back and I think …. Did I just draw that? No way, I mean, it’s really good! I like it a lot and I’m not just saying that to myself. I achieved what I set out to achieve and it feels good …. but that only happens sometimes.
Then I freak out that it won’t happen again so I delay, procrastinate, and then I get crappy because I’m not doing the thing that I love to do. How can I fear something that I love or love something that I fear? Neither makes sense!
I need to be logical here. No, that would me I am being silly, but I’m not. Yes you are …. Okay, rather than spilling my conversation with my alter ego for anyone to read I should grab this logical hat and take its advice and just go draw. Seeya.
No, I’m still here.
Yep, haven’t moved.
You know, I have wanted to take some photos recently …. maybe I will go do that?
Here are some drawings I did the last time I plucked up the courage to draw. I like them, apart from the whole vampire white face look. I have been trying to isolate facial features to get a better understanding of their nature…..
Here are some more ….. but in pencil
I should go now. But what would I draw?
I think Loxley has a pooey nappy. I will go now. I have responsibilities you know!
P.S. Thanks for the chat.
Charcoal drawings were drawn from images in a book titled ‘The Human Figure’ by John H. Vanderpoel.
Pencil drawings were drawn from ‘Life Drawing’ by Robert Barrett.